Cheated

Today is Sunday, since Thursday I have been off the bandwagon with my diet. Thursday night I had chinese food. I saw these girls at my job ordering chinese food and I had to have it too. Friday and saturday I ate steak and cheese pitas. On Friday I ate two pitas at one sitting. Last night Saturday I had a burger and a slice of pizza after 10:00 pm. I woke up at 6am this morning with acid reflux, yuck!!! I'm super bloated and feel like crap. I bought some yogurt with cultures this morning to help settle my stomach. The thought of food makes me want to puke. On top of everything I'm entering this grilled cheese contest and I've been making grilled cheese all day yesterday. My shirt actually smelled like grilled cheese. I have to muster up the strength to make more grilled cheese today. It's going to make my stomach turn. The lesson in all this is stick to your diet. It's not worth it to cheat.

Getting Started

My husband and I got started yesterday. It's definitely not off to a perfect start, we didn't even get to exercise yesterday. It was my fault, I forgot to adjust the alarm for the morning workout. He wasn't pissed though cause he said I got the food off the ground. Were back to eating 5-6 small meals a day with a balance of protein, complex carbs and raw veggies. We decided for the first week in terms of exercise were just going to walk outside to get our bodies moving. Today we could only do a one mile walk. Our feet were burning so bad in pain from lack of movement. It was horrible but now that it's over we feel great. This is going to be a long painful journey. That's what my body's telling me right now during exercise. One thing I think about when I'm exercising is the show the biggest loser, how those people bust their ass and lose a bunch of weight in a short period of time. That's what I want to do. I don't want to drag this on for years, I'm giving myself 10-12 months max to get this weight off. I just hope and pray my husband and I are able to wake up early to get our workout in. He likes to stay up late and play video games. He promised me he would be in bed by 1:30am the latest. He didn't get to bed last night until 3:30am. He said he had to stay up cause the system was updating. I don't know, we'll see.

Reinventing Myself

Just as the title states I'm on a quest for a complete transformation. It's time for a serious overhaul. I want to look better, feel better and present myself in a completely new way. I've tried to transform myself before but had some serious setbacks in my life. Then for awhile I just became complacent because of those setbacks. I was devistated that I couldn't complete my transformation and just basically gave up. Well now I'm getting back on the saddle again!!! I heard something great on the radio yesterday morning. They quoted Ethel Kennedy, If you want to acheive anything your going to have to have courage, you're only on this earth once so you're going to have to make the most of it. It was something like that but you get the idea, hearing that yesterday was like a sign from god for me. It was perfect timing.

So I'm getting the kitchen ready and stocked up with healthy food. I wrote out the weekly schedule that I am to follow, I planned out my meal times. I'm moving, I'm grooving getting things ready and lined up for monday to start. Besides working on my weight I'm going to start taking care of myself in other ways. I'm going to start getting pedicures cause my feet are really bad. I'm going to start taking care of my teeth too. The only issue right now is money cause my husband is going through nursing school but I will do as much as I can. When my husband is done with school I'm going back to school full time too. So that's the second half of the transformation, is getting my education. One person who I admire is Tosca Reno. She reinvented herself in her 40's and went on to become a fitness model. Amazing story. I've spent the last 14 years in this fat suit and I'm ready to shed it for good. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Foodie or Food Addiction???

(Oh my gosh, I wrote such a good post and I was just about finished then I accidently hit a button and lost it all!!! Uuuhhhh!!!!)

Food??? Food??? Did somebody say food???!!! When I first heard the term foodie I laughed to myself because I said that's been me since I was in diapers. Since I was a little girl I remembered I always loved to eat. With my father being a professional cook and my mother being italian I didn't have a wing and a prayer when it came to food. Food has always been the focal point with my family and it still is today. When I was a little girl, my father was stationed overseas in alaska for 4 years. He used to send my brother and I these boxes filled with all kinds of goodies, cookies, candies, crackers and all kinds of stuff. Although we looked forward to getting these packages we would have rather had our father at home. So today you can see why I equate food with love, those care packages with food filled the void of my father not being there. So now anytime I'm bored, lonely, happy or sad, I turn to food.

A few months ago I discovered porn for foodies. It's called yelp!!! Yes, I joined yelp so I could rate restaurants and businesses too. It's great, you browse the restaurants, read their menu online, pick out what you want to eat, go there in person, then rate your experience. I swear I stare at the pictures of food like it was porn. I love pictures of burgers, one of my favorite foods. Call it foodie or food addiction, I don't care. It is what it is. The big question is starting on monday when I start dieting and exercising, is it healthy to be ooogaling pictures of burgers or should I be looking at pictures of salads??? I don't know how I'm going to handle that one.

The Epiphany

I don't know what happened. Last night I looked at myself in the mirror, I stood sideways and saw my big patruding stomach and heavily fat arms staring back at me. Obviously this is the biggest I have ever been. To be honest I don't know exactely how much I weigh. The last time I weighed myself was February 2013 and I was 298 pounds however I know I weigh more then that now. The reason I know that is because I was able to properly wipe myself after I use the bathroom whereas now I have to shower to rinse back there to be fully clean. Sad but true. When you get to the point where you're too fat to properly wipe your own ass then you know it's time for a change. I am only 4'11 1/2 so my goal weight is 110 pounds. The last time I weighed that was back in 1999 when I was 21 years old. After that the weight started piling on quickly from my constant binge eating. I had some serious emotional problems at the time and I turned to food to soothe my emotional trauma. I have this teeny tiny bikini that I kept from back then that I inspire to get back into one day. It's a dream of mine. There's a story on the internet where this guy lost 200 pounds in just 10 months. His story is the inspiration that's guiding me in my weight loss journey. I am going for the gold, to lose 200 pounds in 10 months just like he did. My plan is to workout in the gym 2 hours a day 6 days a week and consume no more then 1500 calories a day. Yes I'm going to count my calories and keep track of them on myfitnesspal.com I've had this great app downloaded to my phone forever but I never really used it. My husband is estatic that my mojo is coming back and that I want to make a change. He admitted to me this morning that he's been down because he's watched me spin out of control with my weight. He said it makes him sad to watch me like this. He was actually going to speak to our psychiatrist about it. Today is Wednesday, I am officially starting everything on Monday as when most people start diets, lol however this is not a diet for me, this is the beginning of a lifestyle change. I'm going to take the weekend to stock our house with healthy foods and items. Today I tossed out the processed foods in our freezer, the frozen pizzas, white castle burgers and other stuff. Baby steps, baby steps.